more zany wackiness

I am contemplating the nature of the universe as I pull the underwear out of my ass crack.

When siamese twins start throwing punches nobody really wins.

I am really good at smoking cigarettes. My technique is amazing and unstoppable.

I see you up high on your self-created pedestal. Just be wary of the vultures circling overhead.

I have no interest in being obsessively healthy.

I am easily annoyed by the sounds of everyday life.

Some people walk away from violence. Some people walk away after violence.

Reach for the stars but when you end up with dirt you probably deserve it.

Why are dead people referred to as “late”? Sorry, they’re not showing up at all.

You know you really hate someone when you dream that you're at their funeral in the front row giving them a standing ovation.

Scottish accents are awesome. It all sounds like comedy to me. A scottish person could just say something like "I have to go to the bathroom" and I'm doing all I can not to burst out laughing. Seriously.

If there's one thing I'm good at it's knowing what other people aren't good at.

I find it amusing how people take words out of context. The word "awesome" for example. A friend asked me if he could borrow bus fare. I said yes. He said "awesome". I paused for a moment. The word awesome means that you are in complete awe of something. Borrowing bus fare is definitely not awesome. Winning ten million dollars is awesome.

There is nothing more awkward than the funeral of a suicide. There is nothing you can say. Nothing.

I don't understand how people can live in a constant state of danger. Making enemies left and right. Not knowing if someone is waiting outside their door ready to cut them up. Do they get off on that kind of chaos? It puzzles me.

The atom smasher will reduce us all to dust in a micro-second. Or something.

“It’s been a year and a half. It seems obvious to me that you have no intention of paying back my $500. So, I will calmly and rationally resort to more extreme measures. I am sending leg breakers over to your house as we speak. You can run but they will eventually find you. Make it easy on yourself. Take the beating. Unfortunately I have to pay these leg breakers for their services and that costs $100. Here’s where it gets good. On top of the money you owe me, you will also be paying the $100 leg breaking fee. Because you’re stupid you are now paying to have your own legs broken on top of coming up with the original money in twenty four hours and not a second more, understood? Oh, and one more thing. You fuck me over and the leg breakers become arm breakers as well."

Last weekend I lost my mind but most of it was returned unharmed.

I am not a very good advertisement for myself today as I dream about the radioactive dust that settles into the wet cement of my alter ego's gravestone. Today I will try to see only beauty.