Observational Humour Part 4

What's the story with parents calling their kids 'Pumpkin'? Pumpkins are something you carve up with a knife and then eat.

Every day you put your life in the hands of people with despicable track records towards humanity. But hey, I’m all for equal opportunity suffering.

Sometimes I yearn for a different perspective on the world so I rearrange my furniture accordingly.

Becoming a successful writer is my dream. It’s what gets me up in the late afternoon.

If I don’t get a cigarette soon I’m going to breathe myself to death.

I’m not an alcoholic but holy shit do I have potential.