Subliminal White Trash

Welcome. This site contains a cross section of my writing including stories, comedy skits, poetry, dialogues and observational humour with a satirical edge. Feedback is much appreciated. Coming through people! Clear a path! My e-mail is

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Location: Burlington, Ontario, Canada

After graduating high school in 1995 with a significant amount of embarrassingly cliched emotional baggage, Kevin "Subliminal White Trash" Pearce made his way to Toronto in a perfectly understandable attempt to outrun his past. After encountering many similarly desperate and stubbornly eccentric people, Kevin found his way into the acting and spoken word scenes. With an amazing and almost inhuman effort, Kevin somehow negotiated through his self destructive tendencies on his way to finding some kind of second rate enlightenment in his strange little world of reckless, impulsive creativity. After spending three years in Toronto, Kevin decided to return to the suburbs in order to preserve his diminishing supply of mental health. Sometimes he even thinks it was the right decision.

Sunday, September 04, 2011

Cheap Laugh

Been going through some serious writer's block so here's the deal. I've been writing down the funniest or strangest headlines on Yahoo News for about a year. "Ordinary Madness" as Bukowski would have called it. It should be noted that this is the only post that is not original material. It will be an ongoing post. Hope you get a cheap laugh. I know I did.

-Canadian teen cleared for killing a man he believed was a zombie.
-Man cuts off and steals woman's hair at a bus stop.
-Ohio woman sprays Police with breast milk during dispute.
-Man arrested after trying to set up a home nuclear reactor.
-Three year old is Britain's youngest ever alcoholic.
-Jealous husband hits wife with pet poodle killing the dog.
-Mother happy that ten year old daughter gave birth.
-Woman calls police to warn that her cat is about to explode.
-Child calls 911 line 400 times over Thanksgiving weekend.
-Teacher finds crack cocaine in three year old's shoe.
-Brazil mom finds toddler petting alligator after flood.
-An Oregon man changes his name to Captain Awesome.
-British Army defuses beer keg bomb outside courthouse.
-US man shoots TV with shotgun over Bristol Palin dance.
-Australian thieves steal 21 tonnes of ketchup and mustard.
-Med students surprised that their first autopsy is on their dead teacher.
-US teen's murder defense: I am a vampire and a werewolf.
-Math teacher in France in serious condition after setting herself on fire in schoolyard.
-Pooping plastic dog tops must-have Christmas toy list.
-Electric toothbrushes recalled in Canada after some 'exploded'.
-US mom shoots kids in welfare office over food stamps.
-93 year old Toronto woman arrested for weapons possession.
-People across Canada want to adopt Alberta dog that killed newborn.
-Human waste is slowly destroying India's railway system.
-Boy finds live grenade during Easter egg hunt in England.

a few observations...

I'm watching this TV commercial about investment banking and at the end of the commercial they show the company's logo and you see a hand placing reading glasses over the logo. So I ask, what does poor eyesight have to do with investing?

Picking my nails is just absolutely fantastic fun. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. I've really perfected my style. If there's any blood that's just the bonus round.

I don't lie but some people misunderstand my strange truths.

Sometimes I'm too lazy to find myself. I don't mind being somebody else.

I ate an apple the other day and it had no taste. I have a sneaking suspicion that somebody has invented the tofu apple.

So I'm watching The Weather Network and they show some footage of babies in their strollers all dressed up for Halloween. The 'Weather Lady' then says "Those babies are so cute I want to just grab them and shake them." Uhhhh.....Is it just me or isn't that the leading cause of infant fatalities? I wonder if her boss noticed that. KEEP THIS WOMAN AWAY FROM BABIES.

Some people find religion at the ass end of hell. Funny how that works.


Anonymous Dutch said...

Funny stuff Kevin

1:48 PM  
Anonymous MEAT Based Clown said...

We wouldn't mind submitting some "advertising art" in your zine.

10:28 AM  

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